Ahhhhh!!! It’s Monday yet again. Seems like they come so quickly. I am thrilled I am slowly getting more followers. I do encourage comments. I love to hear what people think. Anything I post I open up for discussion. I enjoy the give and take of it all.
Normally I post my blog in the mornings. Blame it on Monday. Why is it that we dread Mondays? You do a google search for cartoons about Mondays and you come up with tons of them. Most ( not all ) have the same dreaded Monday theme to them.
When we wake up late we blame it on Monday. When the day it’s hectic we say well it’s Monday after all. When we have a crummy Tuesday we say “Oh it’s Monday part 2″. Is there an origin somewhere or a precedent set saying Mondays are bad?
I honestly don’t know. Some people suggest dread of Mondays is a form of depression. Really? Have we psyched our selves to believe that weekends are good and Mondays are bad so we inevitably have a Monday plagued with bad luck or is there truly something to this Monday curse? I will say yes Mondays can be hectic after all it’s the first day of the work week, but I ask this one thing. Isn’t our day what we make of it?
Yes, luck is what you make of it. There’s no luck fairy out there. Also there is no Monday jinx. Every day is a blessed day. Sometimes we lose sight of just what those blessings are. Next Monday morning I challenge everyone to look at it in a different light. Tell yourself this is the begging of a new week and a time to start anew . It’s not the end of weekend but the begging of a week filled with hope and promise.
” This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. ” Psalm 118:24
I have so much on my mind and so many ideas floating through my head that I get overwhelmed. Is this writer’s block? I am very new to blogging and I don’t consider myself a writer. Maybe a writer wanna-be but I am not there by any stretch of the imagination.
In my life from childhood on I have dabbled off and on with writing, I never fashioned myself as the next great novelist but it was fun to create. I am a product of an over crowded school system during a time when only the teacher’s pets were in the advanced college bound classes for subjects like english.Me, being an average student who had issues with attention span was lost in the flawed system. Formal training for writing? I was never even shown the fundamentals for creative writing. Never the less, I continued to dabble in writing stories and poems and prose.
My creative side was never nurtured by family or by teachers who rejected work I showed them because it wasn’t main stream and they dismissed it as nonsense. I was a kid who needed guidance from an english teacher who could take my creativeness and show me how funnel it. I realize now many great authors and musicians never had any formal training. Creativity is something that comes from the inside and cannot truly be taught. We can learn to read , write, add and subtract….but abstract thought? Abstract thought is just that..abstract.
Here I sit determined to explore and expand my creative side. There has to be something there hidden, suppressed and ready to be brought out of the dark and into the daylight. The first step to good writing is” just do it”. As with anything practice, practice, practice. The next step is to read anything and everything and become well versed in the world around you. The next step is to take notes on every idea that pops into your mind.
So again, I sit here with all my creative thoughts surging forth. I have several unfinished blogs that started out good and fizzled somewhere along the way. That is a metaphor for my life as of late. Good intentions but no follow through. I am still that easily distracted kid inside. The kid who lapses into daydream and leaves the world outside.
God guides me in very subtle ways. Nagging thoughts that eat at me . Telling me I am 45 and need to find direction in my life. He has sent me all sorts of wake up calls lately and I have answered them but fizzled out somewhere along the way. I know He understands this grown up kid who still has very little direction in her life. God must be patient because I still feel his steady pull in all the right directions. I am hard-headed and stubborn and responding very slowly. Weather God is calling me to write or He is just calling me to write for now in order to uncover the me that is hiding in there somewhere I am not sure. I am answering his call and trying my best not to continue blocking His voice out with unhealthy distractions.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
” I think I am going to pass out” is the thought I remember saying in my head. I was sitting at my computer chatting to friends in one of the online communities I frequent when the oddest and scariest sensation comes over me.
While sitting there my head felt very odd and my whole right side of my body went limp. My right eye also got very foggy. It was like looking through a cloud. I instantly knew in my heart what was happening to me. I was also in disbelief. I am a 45 year old non smoker who is only a little bit over weight and I was having a stroke. Today’s blog may be a personal indulgence. This is the first time I have sat and put it all into words. I feel the need to share this story for my benefit and for those women out there who think ” that could never happen to me.”
I knew intellectually that these are stroke symptoms. The fact it was all going on down my right side sent up a big red flag. I didn’t want to accept that this is serious. I was talking and coherent but I felt faint and weak. My right arm and right leg didn’t feel right and my head had an odd sensation. I sat there thinking I was going to pass out any second. I didn’t end up doing that but I came pretty close. I am thankful I was sitting as it happened or else it could have been worse.
Over the course of an hour or so some of my symptoms began to pass. I talked to family and friends who all said go to ER. I sat there listing all the reasons it wasn’t necessary for me to go to the ER. I kept telling myself that this is passing and no need to be checked out. I got up finally and checked my eyes. The pupils were wide then I checked a few minutes later and I could barely even see the pupil because it was so small. I trained in tae kwon do for most of my twenties and I have received many blows to the head. I had never in all my years seen my eyes look like that before. It terrified me.
All my dumb reasons for not going to ER disappeared in an instant. I began to weep and pray. I believe God was looking out for me that day and talking to me in a way he knew would get my attention to go and seek medical help.
God wasn’t done looking out for me though. As I got to the hospital ( yes I drove myself there…and freaked everyone out) I ran into a lady from my church family. She is a local police officer and was taking information down for an accident report. She asked what was wrong as I was walking into ER. God was looking out for me. As she heard my suspicion as to what was going on she asked ” are you alone? ” I told her yes no one was here with me. She told me” we can’t have you here alone like that. When I get done here I will be right in to be with you till your family can get here.”
I was immediately rushed back to a CT scan and all I could think of was I didn’t want my kids to be without mother. I was terrified that this was only the beginning and that I may go into a massive stroke and I have no control over that.My father’s stroke happened after he was in the hospital. He had gone limp and passed out but like me he was coherent. He had a full fledged stroke the next day while in the hospital.He was in his early 70’s though and I was no where near that age.
When the CT was finished I was wheeled to a room in ER there she was waiting for me. She called the church and asked our associate minister if she could come sit with me. God made sure I had family around to keep me calm. I have never in my life felt so much grace and love as I did that day. It was there in ER I gave over control to God. For the remainder of my hospital stay I was calm and relaxed, ( except when I had my MRI ). I knew that day no matter what the out come God was with me the whole way.
My diagnosis was I had a TIA (transient ischemic attack) also known as a mini-stroke. If you’d like to know about TIAs I found WebMD to be very helpful. www.webmd.com