As I continue to struggle with my own health and battles with depression I look many places in life for courage and inspiration as well as comfort. I have my days I get wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself. I lose sight that I was blessed that I only had a mini stroke and not a massive one. I lose sight that because I was under such tight doctors care that other health issues were caught and are being treated. The stroke was really a blessing in disguise.
I have never been as actually scared as I was that day. I sat there at home in denial that I was having a stroke. God was with me though. He put angels in my path in the form of a loving church family. I didn’t call church as it was happening. It didn’t cross my mind. I am so use to being alone with very little extended family. I never even thought about my church family. They thought about me. God put a member of my church outside of ER that day. She was doing her job as a police officer and saw me and reached out on my behalf and alerted the church of my situation. What are the odds that she would be taking a statement in ER at the time I was walking in, scared out of my wits?
It was then I realized I was squandering my life away waiting for something good to happen to me. I was sitting back for years depressed about my situation in life and not doing anything about it. I was wasting years of happiness and it was of my own doing.
My late mother didn’t have an easy life at all. She grew up in war torn Germany under the Hitler Regime. She moved a lot as a child so her father could get work and keep food on the table. She was sent to do a her year of service ( as was required by law) at age 14 to a family well placed in the Nazi Party. The family was cruel and abusive to her. She was forced to live there and was treated like a slave she once told me. She rarely got to visit her family. She was nearly suicidal. Life was not easy at all but it was all she knew.
This being said my mom knew how to make the best of things and find a way to enjoy herself even when things didn’t go quite right. She lived in the moment and appreciated what she had here in the United States. She loved her adopted country and gave back to it as a volunteer with the VA Hospital in Dallas. Her example is the legacy she left behind.
Of all the life lessons a mother teaches her kids, it’s the example you set that leaves the most lasting impression. I have fallen short in my life with my own kids. My examples haven’t always been good. I get frustrated with my kids then catch myself. I realize they are only emulating me. If I want things to change I need to start with me.
It took nearly being taken away from my kids to wake me up to make changes and live life. Make the best of the world I have been given and stop spending time depressed on what I don’t have. I know God is working in my life in His own way. At the age of 45 I am learning to live again. I am slowly exploring who it is that I am. I know we are blessed with gifts and graces. I still don’t know what mine are but I am enjoying the ride and look forward to where it is that I end up in life. It has to be something positive. I just know in my heart it will be.
My journey is just beginning. Have you began yours yet?
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:6