Yet again I have not been very active on my blog. Follow through is obviously a habit you have to develop. I am still working on mine.
I find myself these days in a very subdued mood. I am lost in my own my own mind. As I write that phrase being ” lost in my mind” a song comes to mind. It’s by a group called The Head and the Heart aptly titled ” Lost in my mind”. That’s exactly what I have been doing. If you see a pattern with me associating everything in my life with certain pieces of music , well that’s me. Music may it be Christian or secular moves shapes and speaks to us on so many levels. In my life I have found strength through music, reflection, inspiration, joy and sorrow. Every aspect of my life can be tied to music. No, I am not a musician just a music lover.
Back to being lost. When we find ourselves deeply involved in our own thoughts are we truly lost? Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think being buried deep in your own thoughts can be a way to find the path out of the mazes we build in our own lives. Our society is faced paced and impatient. Rapid computers, Iphones, Ipads, high speed internet, express check out lanes, fast food. You know what I am talking about. We have set ourselves up for dissatisfaction with all this instant gratification. So sometimes we get lost. Our paths are not clear.
We end up confused and overwhelmed. Slowing down and pressing the pause button on life so to speak can help a confused mind find clarity. Slowing down is hard for me. I turn around twice and a month has flown by and I get overwhelmed with the woulda, could ya, should ya’s.
Funny I beat myself up for not doing more but I never reprimand myself for not sitting and just be with myself for a while. Let myself get lost in my own mind. Not tv, computers, radios just me sitting or laying down thinking.
As I have been doing a lot of sitting and thinking my thoughts are with people around me. I know what is wrong and broken in my own life and I visit those issues often, but lately others around me have their own set of of issues they are dealing with. My mind has been with them. I guess you can say I have a ” quiet concern.”
I will continue my quiet reflections and prayers. Maybe being lost in your mind isn’t a bad thing but a step back to sanity and reason. It has been said , to know one’s self is to love one’s self. I may have the quote mixed up a bit but the meaning is clear. The ability to be satisfied and comfortable with who you are is something we all should strive for. It’s when we can sit and just be still that God’s voice is the clearest.
I have so much on my mind and so many ideas floating through my head that I get overwhelmed. Is this writer’s block? I am very new to blogging and I don’t consider myself a writer. Maybe a writer wanna-be but I am not there by any stretch of the imagination.
In my life from childhood on I have dabbled off and on with writing, I never fashioned myself as the next great novelist but it was fun to create. I am a product of an over crowded school system during a time when only the teacher’s pets were in the advanced college bound classes for subjects like english.Me, being an average student who had issues with attention span was lost in the flawed system. Formal training for writing? I was never even shown the fundamentals for creative writing. Never the less, I continued to dabble in writing stories and poems and prose.
My creative side was never nurtured by family or by teachers who rejected work I showed them because it wasn’t main stream and they dismissed it as nonsense. I was a kid who needed guidance from an english teacher who could take my creativeness and show me how funnel it. I realize now many great authors and musicians never had any formal training. Creativity is something that comes from the inside and cannot truly be taught. We can learn to read , write, add and subtract….but abstract thought? Abstract thought is just that..abstract.
Here I sit determined to explore and expand my creative side. There has to be something there hidden, suppressed and ready to be brought out of the dark and into the daylight. The first step to good writing is” just do it”. As with anything practice, practice, practice. The next step is to read anything and everything and become well versed in the world around you. The next step is to take notes on every idea that pops into your mind.
So again, I sit here with all my creative thoughts surging forth. I have several unfinished blogs that started out good and fizzled somewhere along the way. That is a metaphor for my life as of late. Good intentions but no follow through. I am still that easily distracted kid inside. The kid who lapses into daydream and leaves the world outside.
God guides me in very subtle ways. Nagging thoughts that eat at me . Telling me I am 45 and need to find direction in my life. He has sent me all sorts of wake up calls lately and I have answered them but fizzled out somewhere along the way. I know He understands this grown up kid who still has very little direction in her life. God must be patient because I still feel his steady pull in all the right directions. I am hard-headed and stubborn and responding very slowly. Weather God is calling me to write or He is just calling me to write for now in order to uncover the me that is hiding in there somewhere I am not sure. I am answering his call and trying my best not to continue blocking His voice out with unhealthy distractions.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28