Finding strength to move forward when stumbling blocks get in your way.

Archive for October, 2012


My prayers are with those who have been affected by the horrible storm. May God Bless you and keep you near to him always.

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.


Going from 0 to Tears in an Instant

It’s been one of those days. We all have them I am sure. Restless and sad and lonely. It’s probably the worlds worst combination. While in the hospital when I had my mini stroke I knew I had to give this over to Him and let him guide the way.

I am Christian and always have been but in many was I feel like my walk in faith is in its infancy. It’s funny how you hear the same lessons and types of sermons for years and it’s only in the past couple of years they began to really soak in and my personal Christian growth has taken off.

I read a lot and go from website to website reading things that catch my attention. I read an article on the five things God Uses to grow us in faith. It discussed Practical Teaching, Providential relationships , private disciplines, personal ministry and pivotal relationships.

I am not a professional writer and I am not a Biblical scholar. I have never pretended that I am. I am just an average Christian trying to make sense of the world around me and seeking my place in it.

Of those I think three stand out the most, providential relationship, personal ministry and pivotal relationships. For me these are the things that have shaped and are still shaping my growth.

I use to think that being a Christian who was strong in their faith meant they were well schooled in Biblical knowledge and could handle everything that came their way in a strong manner because they knew all the answers. In my walk of faith I realized no one has all the right answers. A strong Christian knows they can’t do a thing in the world without Him at their sides. A strong Christian is never through growing and is always learning. There is never a point in life where you have all the answers. In fact you don’t even have all the right questions yet. As I grow stronger my faith I realize that a strong Christian is one who can sit and pray to God saying ” Here it is Lord and here I am. Guide me in the way you would have me go and lead me to where You need me to be. When you show me Your way Lord grant me the wisdom to recognize it for what it is and answer Your call. Lord this burden is too big for me and I lift it up for You and Your
care. ”
Being strong is realizing you can’t do it alone and that you are never alone in His world. He is right there by your side. We just don’t always see Him.

Putting my understanding into practice is a big challenge for me since I have gotten home front he hospital after my mini stroke. I go from 0 to tears in an instant on a daily basis but I turn to all the wrong places for comfort. I am shouldering all the stress and burden of the fears and uncertainty on my shoulders and not lifting it up to Him.

When life gets you down and you begin to fill hollow inside is ti because you are spending time and effort in all the wrong areas in your life and it’s leaving you depressed and unfulfilled? Is that the cause of a lot of depression in our world? Do we have unrealistic goals and aspirations in life and find our selves depressed when those things we thought would make us happy don’t?

When you find yourself like me this past week going from 0 to instant tears ask yourself this question. What have I been filling my life so full of that it had blocked out God’s light?

Giving Over Control

” I think I am going to pass out” is the thought I remember saying in my head. I was sitting at my computer chatting to friends in one of the online communities I frequent when the oddest and scariest sensation comes over me.

While sitting there my head felt very odd and my whole right side of my body went limp. My right eye also got very foggy. It was like looking through a cloud. I instantly knew in my heart what was happening to me. I was also in disbelief. I am a 45 year old non smoker who is only a little bit over weight and I was having a stroke.  Today’s blog may be a personal indulgence. This is the first time I have sat and put it all into words. I feel the need to share this story for my benefit and for those women out there who think ” that could never happen to me.”

I knew intellectually that these are stroke symptoms. The fact it was all going on down my right side sent up a big red flag. I didn’t want to accept that this is serious. I was talking and coherent but I felt faint and weak. My right arm and right leg didn’t feel right and my head had an odd sensation. I sat there thinking I was going to pass out any second. I didn’t end up doing that but I came pretty close. I am thankful I was sitting as it happened or else it could have been worse.

Over the course of an hour or so some of my symptoms began to pass. I talked to family and friends who all said go to ER. I sat there listing all the reasons it wasn’t necessary for me to go to the ER. I kept telling myself that this is passing and no need to be checked out. I got up finally and checked my eyes. The pupils were wide then I checked a few minutes later and I could barely even see the pupil because it was so small. I trained in tae kwon do for most of my twenties and I have received many blows to the head. I had never in all my years seen my eyes look like that before. It terrified me.

All my dumb reasons for not going to ER disappeared in an instant. I began to weep and pray. I believe God was looking out for me that day and talking to me in a way he knew would get my attention to go and seek medical help.

God wasn’t done looking out for me though. As I got to the hospital ( yes I drove myself there…and freaked everyone out) I ran into a lady from my church family. She is a local police officer and was taking information down for an accident report. She asked what was wrong as I was walking into ER. God was looking out for me. As she heard my suspicion as to what was going on she asked ” are you alone? ” I told her yes no one was here with me. She told me” we can’t have you here alone like that. When I get done here I will be right in to be with you till your family can get here.”

I was immediately rushed back to a CT scan and  all I could think of was I didn’t want my kids to be without mother. I was terrified that this was only the beginning and that I may go into a massive stroke and I have no control over  that.My father’s stroke happened after he was in the hospital. He had gone limp and passed out but like me he was coherent. He had a full fledged stroke the next day while in the hospital.He was in his early 70’s though and I was no where near that age.

When the CT was finished I was  wheeled to a room in ER there she was waiting for me. She called the church and asked our associate minister if she could come sit with me. God made sure I had family around to keep me calm.  I have never in my life felt so much grace and love as I did that day. It was there in ER I gave over control to God. For the remainder of my hospital stay I was calm and relaxed, ( except when I had my MRI ). I knew that day no matter what the out come God was with me the whole way.

My diagnosis was I had a TIA (transient ischemic attack) also known as a mini-stroke. If you’d like to know about TIAs I found WebMD to be very helpful.